Couldn’t Have Done It On My Own

 “It’s like we have known each other all of our lives.” That’s how San Antonio mentor Karen felt after meeting her mentee mom Michelle. Michelle had heard about One by One from a local pregnancy center. Her pregnancy was high risk, and the woman who did her ultrasound suggested Michelle sign up for a mentor. One by One matched the women toward the end of Michelle’s pregnancy. They agreed to meet at Starbucks, and after three hours, a friendship – not just a mentor/mentee relationship – had begun. But then Michelle went into labor three weeks early.

“I had no one there when I went into labor. I didn’t have any family to turn to. We couldn’t find a babysitter, so my son’s father, Richard, was home with his daughter. The nurses were really strict about COVID protocols, so I didn’t know I could have had Karen with me in the delivery room.”  Labor and delivery weren’t easy. Michelle went through two epidurals and a panic attack – and then her heart and her son’s heart stopped. Michelle said at one point her labor and delivery team were discussing the option of stopping delivery and birthing her son via C-section. She recalls, “I just remember the nurses talking to me, and then I woke up to my son on my chest staring at me with an expression that said, ‘What have we just been through?’”

Though it seemed like the worst was over, Michelle soon realized something was wrong with her son. “Jovani was spitting up bile. He couldn’t poop. He couldn’t eat. And his weight had dropped to three pounds.” Michelle kept trying to tell the nurses that something wasn’t right, but it was only after Jovani threw up on a nurse that Michelle convinced her medical team. The nurse took Jozani for a check-up while Michelle showered. Michelle came out looking for her son but instead learned doctors had admitted Jozani to the NICU. Doctors had diagnosed Jozani with Hirschsprung’s disease, a condition that affects the large intestine - and a condition that required surgery to remove diseased colon.

Karen and Michelle had been meeting and texting frequently, and this time Karen would be with Michelle at the hospital. “I couldn’t have done it without Karen,” Michelle states repeatedly. Richard had a new job and was not able to get off work to be at the hospital for the surgery. Michelle says she told the nurses Karen would be with her for the surgery. “She was Grandma Karen if anyone asked.”
 
“It was such a God thing,” Karen says. “The hospital allowed me to sit in the holding room with Michelle – which was surprising given the COVID restrictions. I prayed with Michelle there. I met the surgeon and told him that there was a group of women praying for him as he operated on that baby.”

Michelle adds, “Without her, I would have had no one with me. She sat by my side the whole time. She made sure I ate. She watched one of my favorite movies with me to keep me distracted. She prayed with me. I was freaking out, crying, blaming myself – asking what I did wrong. Karen talked sense into me. I wasn’t thinking straight, so she asked the surgeon all of the ‘what’s next’ questions. She quietly asked the nurses and doctors to not let me see Jovani until his breathing tube was removed because that would have been so hard. I just couldn’t have done it without her.”

After a four-and-a-half-hour surgery – and a few more days waiting for a lab to confirm all of the diseased tissue was gone – the hospital discharged baby Jozani. Although he is still small for his age, Jozani is doing well. There could be some long-term- but generally manageable - complications from the disease, but Michelle won’t really know more until Jozani is 5 or 6 years old. So for now, life has returned to the somewhat organized chaos that comes with having a new baby in the house.

Karen visited Michelle at her home a few weeks after Jozani was released. “I walked in the door, and Michelle just handed him right to me. She texts me often. And she sends pictures. I have almost as many pictures of Jozani as I do of my own grandkids,” Karen laughs.

Karen and Michelle continue to bond as they meet. Michelle helped raise her siblings, so she was comfortable around babies, and Karen says it shows. “She does a great job as a mother.” Karen says Michelle really enjoys the health and safety pages that are part of One by One’s curriculum. She’s also excited to review the Bible verse associated with each month’s lessons. Michelle and Richard both grew up in church, and Michelle used to sing in the choir. They’re currently looking for a church to attend. Recently, Karen gave Michelle a New Testament, and she is hopeful Michelle and Richard will grow in their relationship with the Lord.

Michelle is thankful for her relationship with Karen, “She is amazing. I love I can text her and say, ‘What do you think about this?’ I don’t have that (with anyone else). She can help me out. Karen doesn’t realize how much I mean it when I say I wouldn’t have made it without her.” Michelle has also become an advocate for One by One. “Honestly, if I know anyone else who is pregnant I tell her about your program. I’m on mom groups on social media, and I tell them about One By One. I tell them I wouldn’t have made it without Grandma Karen.”

This is Karen’s first experience as a One by One mentor, and she says she feels lucky. “I know some mentors have a hard time connecting with their moms or have moms who are not as open as Michelle.” She thinks she and Michelle will have a really good relationship. “She is very open and very communicative.”

Karen recently shared her mentoring journey with women at Parkhills Baptist Church in San Antonio. Her advice to them regarding mentoring for One by One: “If you love babies, love mamas, and love Jesus, then you’re qualified for this job.”